Why Having Children is Like Living With a Ghost

ghost

They are sneaky foxes, these children. Little people who scamper about the place, like a flicker out the corner of your eye.

Living with small children is what I imagine life might be like if your house was haunted.

Things are always everywhere

I babysat a 5 year old boy recently, an only child. He commented, “Wow! You have so many THINGS in EVERY ROOM!”. I might have been offended if it weren’t entirely true. There are things. Everywhere. I don’t blink if I come across a set of kitchen tongs in the bath. Or a ken doll in the pantry. Or an entire box of cars inside my neatly made bed. I very rarely see these things put in these places. They just appear.

Doors open and close by themselves

You go outside to get the laundry, closing the door behind you. Upon your return, the door is open. Yet the child who (you are fairly certain) cannot open said door, is sitting beside it, blinking innocently up at you. How did you …? But .. ?

Doors lock

Make that mistake only once.

Children appear

You are alone in the room. You glance to your left. You glance to your right and damn near wet your pants because suddenly, there is a child standing right. beside. you.

Night Noises

Once you have children, I’m not sure you ever sleep well again. Even the slightest of noises has me leaping out of bed. But the worst are the noises that have no obvious source. You hear a blood-curdling scream. You dash into the kids’ room. Both are fast asleep, not even flickering. Go back to bed. And then, when you are just about asleep again …

Any work is counter productive

You pack up all of the blocks, put them away. Leave the room. Come and back all the blocks are scattered throughout the room once more. Child is either (a) innocently sitting there reading a book, or (b) no where to be found.

Same applies for putting away groceries. Though is this instance, the kids eat the food.

Figures standing beside your bed as you sleep

So, if the noises haven’t woken you, nothing scares the crap out of you more than waking up and realising someone is standing there, just watching you. “Hi, Mum! You are sleeping, Mum!”

Ah, kids.

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