What is Parenting?

Often I find myself in situations completely bizarre or foreign, and think to myself, so this is parenting. And so I decided to compile a list. Just, ya know, FYI.

Parenting is (including but not limited to) the following:

  • Amazing, fascinating, experiencing new and challenging things
  • Constantly learning – about yourself, about your children, and about the world around you
  • A new perspective on life
  • Fun
  • Hilarious
  • Devastating
  • Frustrating
  • Confusing
  • Leading you to question everything you know about everything
  • Leaning over a cot at 1am, getting cramp in every muscle in your body, while quietly hoping and praying that the dear creature sleeping under your resting arm is actually asleep and will remain so long enough for you to ninja-sneak out of the room
  • Sitting upright on an armchair with a spewing toddler at 1am, 2am, 3:30am, 4am, 5am …
  • Never having a clean house
  • Finding a shoe in your bed
  • Finding a tin of salmon in your bath
  • Finding your car keys in the pantry
  • Never being able to find the remote
  • Playing “hairdresser” aka “slap me in the head with a hairbrush”
  • Playing “make overs” aka “draw all over me with permanent marker”
  • Learning to literally do twelve things at once
  • Peeing in 2 seconds flat
  • Losing all personal space
  • Operating on two hours of sleep. Not very well, albeit, but operating nonetheless.
  • Mastering the “quickie”
  • Learning new things about your other half. Some good. Some, ahem, different.
  • New found appreciation for your parents. And wishing there was a “go back” button so you can not terrorise them as your minions are terrorising you.
  • Learning about every cartoon character, you tube video and new toy out there. And justifying why none of them need to be in your house. And then buying each and every one of them.
  • Standing your ground. No matter how hard you want to laugh. Or cry.
  • Not swearing in front of your kids. Because they are sponges. And then you have to punish them for swearing. Even if they swear perfectly in context.
  • Learning to identify substances on and around your children without the need to taste the substance.
  • Making the mistake only ONCE, of “is this chocolate? Let me just … nope. Nope. NOPE. Not chocolate”.
  • Saying things you never imagined would ever pass through your lips. “Don’t lick that”. “Put your willy away”. “Get off your brother’s face”. “Please do NOT climb out there!”. “Get out of the fridge!”.
  • Finding different ways to keep busy. And fun. And crazy. And affordable. Like food colouring in the bath. Or the sprinkler under the trampoline.
  • Answering the same inane question again and again and again and again and again. And then reverting to the phrase you swore you would never use. “Because I said so.”
  • Sounding just like your mother.
  • Having to make new friends.
  • Learning to introduce yourself to people, by name, because the woman you have been talking to for months only knows you as Princess’s Mother.
  • Being known, first and foremost, as [your child’s name]’s Mother.
  • Discussing the finer details of pooping, vomiting, snotty noses and no end to gross topics, as readily as current events.
  • Who am I kidding? Considerably more readily than current events.
  • Staying up until midnight, even though your kids went to sleep at 9pm. Because they might wake up again. And besides, being awake when they aren’t is awesome.
  • Drinking coffee while walking around the house, dressing three kids, making beds, packing lunches and checking facebook.
  • Finding a 3/4 full cup of coffee next to the bathroom sink that evening.
  • Drinking it before realising it is (obviously) freezing cold.
  • Dressing your kids in ridiculous outfits, just because you can.
  • Trying to convince your child that their outfit is ridiculous, because you know that you will get the blame in years to come, when they look back on the photos.
  • Laughing at things your kids do.
  • Crying about things your kids do
  • Loving your kids so freakin much that it draws you to tears even thinking about them.
  • Appreciating just how lucky you are to have the good fortune to have been able to become a parent to these special, horrible, lovely, sweet, naughty little ratbags darlings.

And then, doing it all again tomorrow.

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