The F Word


Princess is growing up. I know, it’s sad. Some days I really miss her little “isms”, those adorably innocent musings about the world around her.

Since she started school, she is a lot more sensible and serious about the world. Which is funny, given that neither Mr T nor I are particularly sensible or serious people. Needless to say, a lot of time is spent with her telling us off, sighing and eye rolling.

She still manages a few little Princess-isms now and then though, and when she does I thoroughly enjoy them. Like today, telling me that the beach we were at was a “very special, super amazing beach” because it was “allowed” to make little waves rather than big waves. Special indeed – special to her, and that’s what matters!

One of the things Princess has learned at school is dirty talk. Everything seems to be “poobum” this and “buttface” that. We are trying to sway her away from that kind of language, as hard as it is some days.

I won’t lie – when she says, “Mum, you are a butt head diddle face bum bum poo head” and collapses into a fit of giggles, I have been known, on occasion, to maturely reply with, “No, YOU are a butt head diddle face bum bum WEE head”.

I know, I know. I’m the grown up. Sigh. *eye roll*

But one thing that we are desperately trying not to encourage is the actual swearing. Even when she uses words entirely in context. I still remember the first time she said the F word. She was playing with her brother’s train set and a train just would not fit though the tunnel. She was getting more and more exasperated, and finally huffed, “just go through the f***en tunnel!”. I was horrified. Mr T and I are not big swearers, so I’ve no idea where she got it from.

Princess came home from school a few weeks ago and proudly said to me, “I know what F words are”.

Goodness, I thought. Here we go.

I sighed and apprehensively asked, “What are F words?”

“Oh, Mum. They are words you should NOT say, not ever. They are words like, stupid. Dumb. Fart head. Dick”

Relief washed over me. So cute, so innocent ..

“…. s**t, f**k … ”

No, wait. She is still listing words.

Oh well, at least she knows they are bad, right?

And, by and large she seems not to use them. Which is kind of what I’d hoped to achieve – by not making these words funny or by making them seem fun to use, Princess seems to have accepted that they are words we simply do not say.

And, she wouldn’t be Princess if she didn’t loudly announce today that “we don’t say F**K because that is a BAD WORD, but we can say WHAKARONGO which is MAORI for LISTEN, aye Mum? It sounds like F**K but it’s not. Aye, Mum? F**K is a bad, bad word.”

Yes dear.

Perhaps our next life lesson could be finding a lower volume level when analysing the similarities between swearing in English and speaking in other languages.

At least the nearby tourists found it amusing.

One thought on “The F Word

  1. My three your old cursed at me in Spanish, today. He barely talks, but of course, he has to pick up that word. That word I use because my English speaking children don’t understand it. Oops.

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