Homework

I thought I was a patient person. I thought I had all the time and tolerance in the world for my kids.

And then came homework.

Reading.

Don’t get me wrong, I think it’s great that Princess gets homework. Home reading. I just … I’m ashamed to say I simply do not have the patience to sit through it. You would be surprised at how long a five-page story can drag out when a six year old is reading it.

Not to mention the subject matter of some of the stories! A book about how spiders EAT flies. A non-fiction book detailing the life cycle of a frog. I mean, nature blah blah, I know. It’s important. But to me, it’s just gross.

And, her most recent one. “Coco’s Bell”. It’s about a cat who catches a bird in her mouth, so they need to put a bell on her. And they take the injured bird inside, and put it into a warm box. And take good care of it.

“Look Mum, I’m going to turn the page but you need to know it will be sad, don’t cry ok Mum. Are you ready, Mum? Are you ready to be brave?”

“Yes?” I answer tentatively, having no idea of what is happening. I mean, they won’t kill the bird off, right? It’s a kids book.

A FREAKIN KIDS BOOK.

“The bird is dead. Mum? Can you see? It’s dead. See Mum? D-E-A-D. That spells dead, do you know?”

They. Killed. The. Bird.

I just can’t even.

Princess has a reading journal, with points and stickers awarded for consecutive reading nights. So, every night, we sit down for reading time.

“The …….. d-d-d-og …….. w-w-w-w-ent ……… to ….. the ……….. plane? Picnic? Park! The dog went to the p-p-p-p-p-p-ark”

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“There ……………………………………………… is a ………………………ssssssssssssssslide ……………at ………………the ………………………..park”

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“There ………………………….. is …………………………………….a ………………………………..swing …………………………….at ………………………….the ……………………………….park. I like parks, Mum. Did you know Michael in my class went to Australia? I ate my yoghurt at school today. Can I have a piece of toast please?”

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“I think I’ll read the book upside down now Mum”

“Please just read it normally”

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“Thar dooooooog lyyyyyyykes tharrrrrr parrrrrrrk” *giggles*

“Please read it in your normal voice”

“I like taking my dog to the park. That’s the end, Mum.

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I think Dad can do the reading tomorrow night.

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